Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Day 2 of 60

Last night the hunger pains were minimal. I wanted to eat, to chew something, but a lot of this was my brain wanting food, not my body. My mind was dancing with thoughts of food and the devil inside me wanted me to rush into the fridge and eat that leftover half of a sandwich and feel its cold yumminess, and somewhat stale bread, and wilted lettuce, and soggy, somewhat slimy bread. (NOTE: This is today's rational description, developed because the angel in my head is working as a reality check to what that sandwich actually was, and not the gleaming vision of Italian deliciousness my mind conjured at that time.) It would have been easy, quick, simple, just gobble and done. But a lot kept me sane. My husband, for one, who ate said sandwich for dinner (out of my eyesight after I told him about my "hunger") and the baby bits of willpower I am in the process of nurturing.

See, I always thought I had no willpower. It was easier to do the things I wanted if I told myself I had no willpower. It doesn't matter that in fact, that was a big fat lie. Willpower manifests in your desire not to do something you "want" to do. Impulse control, if you will. I know that I must have willpower in aspects of my life because I have not been arrested for slapping strangers, have not maimed idiots by running them off the road when they do 30 in the fast lane or text-and-drive, and there has never been a wig in my home for my desire to pull all my hair out of my head in frustration. I have self-control.

Move that over to food, and well, not so much. Just days before this fast began, after I spent 2 weeks pairing down caffeine, meat, and junk food, and I went out with the family to a famous hot dog place and ordered 2 and ate 3 hot dogs, washed down with Birch beer and onion rings. I felt so sick with myself afterward. Noting like loading the nitrates when a fast is on the horizon. This must partially explain the mild headache I had the next day. At the time I thought those two weeks were for nothing, but now I realize I did some good because I do not have the migraine that usually comes after I try to give up coffee. I am actually feeling ok.

Back to the actual juice of the matter. Today it is apple-pear-raspberry. I love this. 3 Granny Smith, 3 Pink Lady, a pear that had seen better days and a handful of raspberries. (Note: don't put the berries in the juicer. I'd have been better off squeezing them in some cheesecloth.) I made lunch of carrot-orange pepper-ginger-sweet potato (the white kind) and it is alright. Very bright, like liquid sunshine. I imagine this is what the Easter Buddy drinks. I had wanted to do a fruit juice in the morning and veggie juices the rest of the day, but it looks like green juice is an acquired taste. I am ok with carrot, but it is too sweet.

I'll edit this post later with the rest of my day's updates.

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