Thursday, April 8, 2010

Day 17: You know those people?

On my mind today are those people. You know those people. We all have our own version of who they are, and why they seem so, I don't know, unreal.  I guess you can take that in both a positive and negative manner, but since I am all about the positive, I'll give you the negative in a small, almost cute form. The people who amaze me with their utter stupidity and rudeness:

The hubby and I were out at Bed, Bath, and Beyond one day a year ago (or maybe more, let's say about 25 pounds ago). We came up to the checkout, got in a line (because you know how those places can be), and proceeded to wait.  We get behind this woman and her very cute little girl who happened to be sitting in the cart facing us. I was talking to my husband, totally having a great day (I mean, who wouldn't at BBB?), and suddenly this little angel (ringlets and all) yells at the top of her darling little lungs "LOOK AT THAT FAT LADY!"  I was startled and looked at her, only to see she was pointing her wicked little finger directly at me. Fuck.  Now everyone starts looking because the little monster is continuing to scream that over and over and over. Whispers and stares, all at me, and what am I to do?  I was appalled that this woman didn't even go to smother that devil she called a daughter. I'd put a muzzle on her, maybe after I slapped her demon mouth with my pudgy left hand. Her mother, clearly Rosemary herself, took a half interested, half disgusted, look at me and continued to pay with her little hellion child pointing and still making her proclamation. Dude! I saw you look at me. We made eye-contact. Hello? Rude much? She says nothing to the little beast and the echos of Fat Lady follow the both of them out the door.

Needless to say there went my day, week really. I recall that day fondly now, well maybe not, but I can say that this same memory came flooding back to me today when I realized I lost 25 pounds. Shit, I thought, only 25 lbs. Ha! For a normal person 25 lbs is a big achievement. Shucks, for me I should see this as a milestone.  But no, that comment came back to me with a vengeance. I focused on how I was back to being that fat lady and not on how I am changing my life. 17 days ago I must have been a wildebeest. God, it shouldn't bother me as much, but stuff like that hurts and sticks.  Anyway, this brings me to those other people, those other people that I think of when I want to get out of that funk.Those other people that I want to be.

Those other people are the ones that amaze me with their super-human powers. You must know some of those people. I am amazed by those people that devote their whole being to doing something they see as great. They give their vision their all. They manifest their destiny. They make shit happen.  I'm talking about the athletes who are at the top of their game, the artists who immerse themselves in their medium and produce breathtaking art, the writers who write and write and write without giving up, the people who take risks and live their lives fully. Those People.  When petty thoughts like that of that filter-less little child get to me, I try to think about all those other people that energize me and who would never focus on the negative people that only point out their flaws. I mean, really, those kinds of people wouldn't suffer the detractors but use them as fuel to ignite the flames of their passion. They are not looking to be burdened with those thoughts, but instead use or dispose of them as they see fit, because they are concentrating on their craft and the important things in their lives. I admire that focus and determination and risk in people. All of that seems much more fun than berating myself for losing 25 pounds.

I mean, really... it is a lot, and in too short of a time perhaps. I have more to go, but the journey there is something to relish, to focus on and enjoy. I need to stop thinking of things that are destructive to my progress and commitment and start seeing all the wonderful that is the path. In fact, just committing and continuing, I am becoming one of those people I have always admired. I always wondered what it would be like to have drive and determination. For now, this one fast is the beginning of something much larger for me. It is the unfolding of that unreal (in a good way) person inside of me.  (thinking in writing, thinking in writing, that is all this is so far)

Who do you admire?

Juice: Today, Watermelon pineapple pear.  Delicious.  For lunch, brocolli, celery, carrot (bleck!) I drank half and am now having Asain pear, apple, and half a peach. It is way too sweet, but it is good and is hitting the spot because I am hungry. Actually, I am tempted by food and just wanting to chew and swallow the raviollis hubby is having. Ah well, in time, maybe, I will have them.

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