In the Barken class Thursday night I felt sore, but good. I am not getting the flow portion yet and I modify to my knees a lot. I still am drenched and my heart pounds in my ears. It is funny that the one posture I can totally do with little strain is square pose (agnistambhasana). Because of my thick legs I stack ankle above knee without gaps. My hips have always rotated in a way that allows my knees to fall down in butterfly. I feel success, but know that if I had thin legs, my ankles and knees will have further to go. Still in a room of flexy bendy bodies, it feels like a little win. Sure in fixed firm, kneeling in Japanese style trying to get your butt to the floor between your feet, well, those thick legs totally prevent that from happening.
When I got up Friday morning I ached all over. I walked to the bathroom, towel in hand (because I seemingly shower endlessly these days), well it was less of a walk and more of a waddle with my toes to the ceiling and stiff legs. I felt stiff and while a hot shower helped, it still sucked to move my back.
I got to Bikram and made it through the warm up bends when I felt a pinch in my lower back. It spasmed and I all but yelped. I found myself on the floor rolling into a spinal twist and trying to stop it from freaking out. Shooting pain in my lower back down into my leg consumed me for at least 15 minutes.
Being hot and sweaty and hurting is no fun and it took a lot of my control to keep me in the room stretching my lower back. I wanted to run out of the room, curse some, and go home and take a hot shower. Instead I cycled through those thoughts as I stretched and lay on the mat. I finished the floor series and left to go get an adjustment.
After 30 minutes on the electro-stim machine and a few nice manipulations of my back, knee, ankle and the muscles of my abdomen, I felt a bit better. It ached overnight and in Bikram this morning, but I successfully made it through most of the class.
I try. It is the most I can ask of myself. I try to stop being negative when I tap out for a pose or can't get into a pose in that perfect yoga way. I go until it feels like my heart is going to burst or the room spins. Sometimes I need to regroup. But that is okay. Honor your level the instructor says over and over. I must honor where I am at today and try to give it everything I can so I can progress further in my practice.