Marie Kondo is emphatic that you must find out why you want the lifestyle you want. This is not far from certain neurolinguistic programming (NLP) techniques that self-help gurus like Tony Robbins uses in his courses. I love me some Tony Robbins, and if you had read this blog in the past you know this, and his philosophy is rooted in getting real clear about your deepest why. Your motivation and desire will only burn if you focus your energy on it and fan those flames with constant and consistent focus.
Discovering your deepest why is where real motivation lives.
Let's get serious. Why do I want "...a home where I love cooking, entertaining, and relaxing"?
I love having people over. I'm usually an extrovert who loves to create dishes and parties for those I love. I show love through entertaining and laughter. I feel loved when people are happy here. My home is your home...just stay out of my bedroom.
My bedroom "why" comes down to a place of escape. I said I am usually an extrovert, but I have hidden introvert tendencies. I sometimes need to escape someplace alone, quiet and chill. It would be even better if I had a room within my bedroom where I can get to a second layer of hidden, where a wall would move or a bookcase would reveal a secret lair. This is my most secret desire.
I have always been fascinated by secret rooms, nooks, and passageways. Any book or film that has them is already a favorite. I love them because they are both escape from the world and security. They are private by choice. I would not let the Hubs show people where it is and it would be only mine.
My home has no such place, so a retreat in the bedroom is the best I can get right now. I need a piece of privacy in an boisterous life.
The other whys for neat organization and effortless storage and preparation is because I sometimes dread and avoid cooking, baking, getting ready, and entertaining because I would have to deal with pulling the right pans from overcrowded cabinets, figure out just what I am going to use or make, and then clean it all up and try to fit everything back.
Does anyone else have too much for their cabinets, overflowing drawers of "stuff"? I cannot be alone here.
I know I am not moving, but like I said yesterday, a why I am beginning to feel deeply is "I don't want to pack this stuff" and "I can't move because I have too much/it will be too hard/I am lazy". More and more there is this pull away from the urban-suburb where I live, but I cannot listen to that because the process makes me feel sick.
My why is all about freedom from things owning me and all about relieving the stress of too much.
When people are too much, I can store myself away.
People can help because they will not wrestle the demons of clutter I hide behind doors. All my rooms that currently look pretty darn neat, can throw open every hinge and truly be accessible.
Kondo wants you to dig into each answer 3-5 times to find more reasons, like the kid in the backseat who knows no better question for you than "WHY?" -- why? I think about this section like asking branching why, base why, and root why.
My solid why is not only showing love through entertaining, and wanting to escape from it. My solid why is to release all stress because clutter is stress in my mind and relationship. Maintained order and perfect storage peace is love to the Hubs. For me to show him love, a more concerted effort to a clutter-free life would be activating love. Instead of him freaking out when we have company over, it would be chill and he would welcome the noise and crowd. Showing love is removing stress.
More deeply, and honestly, all those hidden bits of clutter reflect the clutter of my soul and body. At my root, I am a hot mess. If I am honest, I probably treat myself the way I treat my home. Clean on the outside, stuffed full of all kinds of baggage and excess right under that surface. There are lots of things I have buried inside that I never share with others.
I strongly believe that the clutter purge will do my body good. I have carried emotional matched luggage (in sets with broken wheels) for ages. I need to show my soul love.
The thesis was one of those hidden bags. It was full of promise and locked inside. When I finished, it was as if 10 years of bullshit went out the door. This, I think, was the energy that burst into my first purge of clothing, that I started the day after graduation.
By living in a space that reflects peace, friendship, and joy and not feeling the stress, I can work more closely and with more focus on my inner peace, friendship, and joy. I believe the the space and air around what I do own will allow my house to breathe just as the space and air around my bones (unburdened from layers of padding) will let my soul breathe.
Tomorrow begins the process of getting real with Kondo. The concept of of joy and sparking joy is well documented in her books, but I am not too sure it translates to an American home as well and her writing urges. Examining is the process that will take the bulk of this blog.
Until next time, what is your why? Do you have a branching why, base why, and root why?